Cancer and Dying

You know what I'm most scared of? Dying from cancer. I've watched 2 grandparents die from it. I was a pall bearer at their funerals. I was their yougest grandchild... I feel like they spoiled me the most. They had tried to show me so much love... and I think this is why I've loved my grandparents so much. The only memories I have of them are just love...
I will most likely die of cancer some day. It's just probably in the cards for me. And some day I will have children and grandchildren. It will hurt so much to watch them suffer because of me. I know it's a part of life, but it will be the hardest thing to ever do.
I remember being around my only grandpa when he was dying. It just broke my heart each time I saw him; there was nothing I could do. We watched him at first give up on life, then as the end was nearing he wanted to try to live again... the doctors told us that he wouldn't be able to handle the radiation treatment. He was pretty far along and he was 80. But now I have heard that people are trying the radiation anyway; even if they're "too old." And more people are surviving. When I heard that, it pissed me heck off. My grandpa is an unbelievable fighter for everything he has. And they told him no... we told him no because we didn't think it would work. If we just fought some more my grandpa would be here...
We just need to find a cure for cancer. Cancer is my ultimate fear. And we need to find the cure now; so nobody else has to suffer from it.

Thinking...

School just sucks on Wednesdays. And I ended up waking up late today too. Last night was the first night I've gotten 8 hours of sleep in a while, and I slept in? That's silly. I think 8 hours is too much for me. Oh well. I don't really care on Wednesdays. As long as I get my stuff done!

But tonight might not be that awesome either. Me and Hailey are supposed to take out our insanely quiet roommate for her birthday. I suppose it might be fun. It just sucks that she doesn't like to do anything me and Hailey do. It's strange how we got placed with her in our apartments. Once again, oh well! Hailey and I will be moving out soon. And we will be living with 2 pretty sweet cats. :]

So, I think my thinking process has grown to an insane amount. I think it's good though. I feel like Albert Einstein. But I don't have much proof for my thinking. Is it possible for some random person to be as great as Einstein, or Da Vinci was? They were amazing thinkers. I think they didn't get much school either. Pretty sure Einstein didn't finish high school, but he somehow became a genius?... Now I might be getting a big head here, but what if my thoughts are really so amazing that I come out to be like the masters? I suppose it's possible. But how does one know if they are great? Before people became famous and became known for what they've done; they were doubted. Einstein was doubted A LOT. I'm sure Da Vinci was. I know Raphael; everyone thought he was a bum. He didn't go out much, he was ugly, and he stunk, but he was good. Humans now look at these old masters as amazing... Will people 100 years from now think that my ideas are amazing? & I mean, my life isn't close to being over yet either... if I live at least 50 more years... then 50 more years of crazy Alaina stuff... man. This is going to be crazy but it's going to happen.

Pepsi Challenge

Me and my best roomie Hailey Luann are attempting a Pepsi Challenge. We grabbed 2-liters of Pepsi for each of us and we are sipping on them. It's going to be crazy. It has already been quite silly. We have been watching my past YouTube videos from when I was a high school freshman; which I will not display.

We just had a 4 day weekend off from school, and it was amazing. I worked all of it, but that's all right. I also got to hang with my bud Pfeifer and a few others and celebrated the Easter Holiday. I always thought Easter was an uneventful holiday. That all you do is search for little eggs with yummies inside. That is 90% of what people do. But I was thinking of the idea behind Easter and the bunnies and the eggs. It's just interesting that we have a holiday that is related to starting over and that "Christ has risen" and etc. I don't know how much people think into what happens in the world. But I've been thinking a lot lately. Some times there's nothing much else to do except think. Like, why are we all here? Why do we have or do the things we do? Why did Christ do what he did for US? Was the Bible just a nice story? Or was it real? In my opinion.. I believe in Christ. I believe it happened! But I have also been trying to understand other people's opinions. I don't like to be one-sided. It's just crazy how many theories are possible.

Anything is possible if you believe in it!

Hello Blog.

First blog. Yay!

I've been thinking about starting this for quite some time now. I have a lot of thoughts. The average person thinks 400-500 wpm. I probably think with about 139,394,000 wpm. 'Might have some sort of attention disorder. Or, I might just be normal, with a few screws loose. Anyway.

I have been thinking a lot lately. So many things have changed for me this year. It's all in good ways. But it's just weird. In high school, I felt like I always needed someone there. But then again, I was a loner. Over time I've been concealing my feelings more and more. But also, I have been more vocal about my feelings. It's important to let people know how you feel, no matter how scary it is. Because your heart can be stuck in an unhappy relationship, or a dearly loved one could pass without knowing how much you truely love them and more. This has been a topic on my brain ever since I left my home in Pella. 

I miss my family dearly. They fill love in my heart; I don't know what I'd do without it. It keeps me going on and it gives me a purpose. I constantly think about my grandpa. He passed away in May 2009. He meant so much to me, like the rest of my family. But the thought that he would give up anything and everything for his family, motivates me. He was an artist, like me. He was an amazing carpenter. And I keep thinking, if he had such an amazing life, I can have one too. That's all I'm trying to do now; just have a fun-filled life. I don't let anything get in my way anymore. I'm not going to let anything get me down. I know what I want and I'm going for it. :]